This piece is dedicated to all the nervous, sleepless nights I have endured. We’ve all been there. Sleep is an escape from all of life’s anxieties. So tell, me what is one to do when they are unable to sleep? Thank God someone invented sleeping pills, huh?
Liquid-Blue-Lullaby,
sing me to sleep,
or else I won’t rest.
Counting sheep doesn’t work
anymore;
this mind’s been too
busy to count,
these thoughts are
too chaotic for order.
My lids are heavy,
but they refuse to shut,
because every time
I begin to fall,
I am jolted awake by the sound
of my heart palpitating
against my ribs.
I accept that fact that
I will be up before
my alarm goes off
at six AM.
It is already 5:55.
It’s been 32 hours since I last slept.
Swollen eyes stare
up at the ceiling,
defeated.
I think I’ll call in sick
tomorrow.
My skull pounding
and my legs shaking,
I tiptoe to the kitchen and
open the medicine cabinet.
I reach out–
mama always keeps
the good stuff on the top shelf.
I pop the lid
and
stare down
at the Liquid-Blue and
I can hear
Her humming.
Image source: https://www.pinterest.com/pin/124200902201176918/
Dear Jade,
I can’t say how relatable this is! Sleep constantly eludes me, too – especially when I need it most – which is unfortunate considering that it is incredibly necessary for day-to-day function. I think that you played this out in your poem in really interesting ways. For me, it really spoke to the lengths a person will go to in order to meet the demands of their survival – even at the cost of their morality. I love that you were willing to write about something like this, because it is both comforting and tragic, in my opinion, that we can force ourselves to fall asleep when sleep chooses not to grace us with its long-awaiting presence.
I love that you capitalized “Liquid-Blue-Lullaby” at the beginning of this poem, making it a proper noun. It definitely helped to establish its meaning in the life of the narrator, its significance as something ‘necessary’, and it highlighted that the pill has become important to the point where it takes on a life of its own. I wish that you had carried on this capitalization to the last stanza where you refer to it once again – that would have further solidified the clever stylistic choice of capitalizing it in the first place.
I also want to say that your use of enjambment at certain points was very effective. It gave a flow to the poem, and also made the one-liners stand out as being significant. For example, “It is already 5:55./It’s been 32 hours since I last slept,” are two lines made to be all the more prominent because the strength of simple sentences isn’t used anywhere else.
As a constructive criticism, I feel that the visual you chose to represent this piece was somewhat distracting. I can appreciate that it accurately reflects the madness associated with lack of sleep and the frantic, half-deadness of exhaustion. However, I think that it takes away from the poem rather than adds to it simply because there is a lot of movement that draws the eye towards it and away from the words that you want your readers to focus upon.
All in all, I think that this is a fantastic poem with a real brilliance to it. Have you considered using this as the piece you’ll post to the hub? It would be excellent up there! 🙂
Thanks so much!
Love,
Ziyana
JADE!!!!
This piece made me go WOAH. I mean it. Oh my god I am still trying to process this in my head of how perfectly you described this situation . When you started to mention how the eyelids are heavy but they refuse to shut, I instantly felt that heaviness on my eyes (if you know what I mean). This piece is very relatable and I loved how you added the part in the beginning. It really helped set the atmosphere of the piece.
I’m speechless! Great work!!!
Jade,
What a wonderful, artistic, piece. This is something you can truly call art as you not only paint with your words, but with your formatting. For me, the real jaw dropping moment (from awe, not yawning because my connection to this poem about lack of sleep) was how you mention your thoughts as being too chaotic for order, then reflect that with the scattered fragments of your poem; a few lines in every which direction, just as your thoughts are unordered and uncontrolled on these sleepless nights. Even so, it also gives the feel that these thoughts are lost and floating through the void that is your mind, as does the calm tone of this piece. It also seems as each stanza is becoming closer and closer together, time wise, which I believe to represent the increasing desperation of sleep. The mentioning of “mama” incites a sense of innocence that the reader may miss at first glance as the work regards such a mature topic. Over all, I’m greatly impressed at the effort you put into this. It really payed off. Great writing.
Sincerely, Katherine